The Alien in Los Angeles
An alien.
That’s what I felt like walking down the streets of LA.
Someone who did not belong.
Who was faking it.
An imposter hidden behind sunglasses. Could everyone see right though?
I felt heavy and dizzy surrounded by shining towers and noise.
People pass quickly to my left and to my right constantly overtaking me. Have my own short, rapid steps and pace really relaxed that much?
But there wasn’t time to analyze or break it down. I was there for business. Representing my organization and work here in Malawi. A kazembe of sorts.
But the business tended to knock me over too.
The conversations that lacked thorough introductions and greetings and went straight to the point.
My brain couldn’t keep up.
In the first minute of the meeting we were already discussing viral load testing uptake challenges.
As I made it through the week towards the weekend, I kept a short list of all that struck me. That which use to be so normal that now surprised my soul.
After all this time, can traveling here still be so hard? I should be used to it by now.
But you have to go on.
You can’t hide in hotel rooms from the massive world.
So we explored.
Beverly Hills brought hot tears to the brink of my eyes for no other seeming reason than its far too perfect alignment.
Hollywood overwhelmed my senses and left Mpha and me both so tired we returned to the hotel and were in bed by 7pm.
But I thought of the words in Ecclesiastes:
“So I commend the enjoyment of life, because there is nothing better for a person under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany them in their toil all the days of the life God has given them under the sun.”
So we did enjoy our time and are blessed we got to see LA- a place neither of us had ever been.
But it doesn’t mean the culture and the stimulation didn’t shock us.
I felt my head shaking in laughter, confusion and awe at every turn.
By the time we flew to Atlanta I was relieved. Yet also still carrying that alien sense.
Georgia is a place I know.
The names and the roads and the community. It’s full of loving friends and family who we were most overjoyed to see. This is where I grew up.
These are the ones who support me and still care despite my chosen absence. I’m so thankful for them.
So why does it not feel like home?
Why am I always ready to leave?
These questions haunt me constantly.
The guilt sometimes comes in as my youngest sister asks me to stay.
And maybe it’s the reason my jet lag always feels like a melancholy hangover.
So as I touchdown back on this now very green Malawi home base, I once again work to reintegrate.
I hope for understanding of what I can’t understand.
Such as how something as simple as a plane can transfer me between such different lands.
I live in gratitude of all our dear ones who across the globe love us despite location.
May my appreciation grow more still.
In times of contemplation we give our hearts a chance to heal and grow.
From a foreigner in a different land becoming every year a more and more familiar land,
These are my reflections.
That’s what I felt like walking down the streets of LA.
Someone who did not belong.
Who was faking it.
An imposter hidden behind sunglasses. Could everyone see right though?
I felt heavy and dizzy surrounded by shining towers and noise.
People pass quickly to my left and to my right constantly overtaking me. Have my own short, rapid steps and pace really relaxed that much?
But there wasn’t time to analyze or break it down. I was there for business. Representing my organization and work here in Malawi. A kazembe of sorts.
But the business tended to knock me over too.
The conversations that lacked thorough introductions and greetings and went straight to the point.
My brain couldn’t keep up.
In the first minute of the meeting we were already discussing viral load testing uptake challenges.
As I made it through the week towards the weekend, I kept a short list of all that struck me. That which use to be so normal that now surprised my soul.
After all this time, can traveling here still be so hard? I should be used to it by now.
But you have to go on.
You can’t hide in hotel rooms from the massive world.
So we explored.
Beverly Hills brought hot tears to the brink of my eyes for no other seeming reason than its far too perfect alignment.
Hollywood overwhelmed my senses and left Mpha and me both so tired we returned to the hotel and were in bed by 7pm.
But I thought of the words in Ecclesiastes:
“So I commend the enjoyment of life, because there is nothing better for a person under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany them in their toil all the days of the life God has given them under the sun.”
So we did enjoy our time and are blessed we got to see LA- a place neither of us had ever been.
But it doesn’t mean the culture and the stimulation didn’t shock us.
I felt my head shaking in laughter, confusion and awe at every turn.
By the time we flew to Atlanta I was relieved. Yet also still carrying that alien sense.
Georgia is a place I know.
The names and the roads and the community. It’s full of loving friends and family who we were most overjoyed to see. This is where I grew up.
These are the ones who support me and still care despite my chosen absence. I’m so thankful for them.
So why does it not feel like home?
Why am I always ready to leave?
These questions haunt me constantly.
The guilt sometimes comes in as my youngest sister asks me to stay.
And maybe it’s the reason my jet lag always feels like a melancholy hangover.
So as I touchdown back on this now very green Malawi home base, I once again work to reintegrate.
I hope for understanding of what I can’t understand.
Such as how something as simple as a plane can transfer me between such different lands.
I live in gratitude of all our dear ones who across the globe love us despite location.
May my appreciation grow more still.
In times of contemplation we give our hearts a chance to heal and grow.
From a foreigner in a different land becoming every year a more and more familiar land,
These are my reflections.
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