"Brave" Volunteers

This week I was told, "you Peace Corps Volunteers are so brave." I don't think I would ever use the word brave to describe myself. Especially when all it is in reference to is my ability to use a minibus and bike taxi in Lilongwe city.

So let me shed some secrets here. The week before I permanently moved to Malawi in 2013, as I was boxing up my entire life, I was streaming Netflix and preparing for the move when I had this overwhelming anxiousness that there was no way I would “survive” without such luxuries that had easily taken hold of my heart. For in the village where Peace Corps was to place me there was going to be no electricity, no Netflix/wifi, no running water, no computer, no car, reduction in cellphone service. In 2009 I first visited rural areas in Kenya and I knew what it could be like. So I was afraid the superficial cravings of my own life would become so evident. I was not afraid for my safety nor my health but scared that the strength of my character might be tested too much and found wanting.  

The next 2+ years I lived in a common village setting in Malawi. Water came from shallow wells or boreholes and was carried in buckets. Solar power was only sparsely available in a week for charging cellphones. Charcoal or wood fires were started daily for cooking. Transport was many times only available by bike for many kilometers. The tension of living in close proximity with nature was uncomfortable for a city girl like me (imagine finding snakes in my house at night). Rainy season days trapped inside the village with many roads flooded out. The confusion of not understanding the language. Being sick. The stormy nights when rain would stream through my tin roof. There were times I was scared and the frailty of my own heart was fully revealed in the light of my neighbors and friends who lived their lives with an outstanding resilience and strength. 

Basically, Peace Corps didn't make me brave. There were and still are times I am afraid and uncomfortable. But what it did to was help me achieve and do more than I ever thought I could. It helped me break away from some of the comforts I thought I couldn't live without. Perhaps it made me a bit less superficial. And at times I really hated that and hated being out of my comfort zone. But that is one of the reasons I came to live here. To live and love a life that isn't always comfortable or easy. Sometimes everything here feels more complicated and yet at the same time more simple. The last three years I've managed by walking or biking myself to everywhere I needed to be for groceries, cellphone charge and basic goods. I've been entertained with life in reality and not life on television. It is possible to completely change your lifestyle with just a step of faith. As much as I wanted to turn around and not get on the plane 3 years ago all by myself, I knew I had to do it. I believe we are called to more than a comfortable life and that in these times the greatest change comes not just for ourselves but for the world.

From a book I've been reading called Preemptive Love, it concludes with:

"Preemptive love is not about the absence of fear. We cannot avoid the foreboding storms that loom on the horizon, but we can learn to dance in the rain. And when we accept God's preemptive love, that Christ makes all things new, we can quit playing by everyone else's rules and pursue a long, risky journey with the God who loves his enemies."