To Be
It's a small success. Like dew in the morning you know it probably won't last. Ups and down. The tide in and out. Development.
Last year the local secondary school (high school) got their first female teacher along with a boarding school for girls. What a success! We started an AIDS TOTO club together and planned projects to empower girls. But now she is being transferred to a school hours away. One of the most educated women in the community now gone. Where do we go from here? No male teachers want to continue the AIDS toto club with me. Several female students have gotten pregnant and are called "useless." In my American mind we were making progress. Now as a Peace Corps Volunteer my emotions feel like they are back to square one. Development.
They call me doctor now in the village. I'm not but it's the name given to anyone even remotely connected to the clinic. Even the cleaning staff. Even when all you do is make public health posters, paint murals, organize health talks and have nutritional cooking demonstrations. But there's some regulars at the health centre who I've come to know. One is a grandmother who struggles with high blood pressure. The clinic frequently runs out of her drugs so she asks for garlic and onions for a nutritious supplement. I have men, women, and children throughout the area who know me as the Malaria girl. They get excited when telling me they are going for testing (well, not the children). They know how much we advise them to be tested. And then the HIV/AIDS patients who I see every Friday and around the village. My Malawian counterpart teaches them about good nutrition to help compliment their drugs so they can become more healthy. Another counterpart talks openly about his status and what it's live to live positively. He's working to reduce the stigma. This success, don't evaporate. Don't dry up. Rage like a flooding river.
Success here is the days I ride my bike and get a smile or wave. The days when I hear my name called out as I pass by. When the excitement of an outsider has dissipated and I am now a normal part of the village routine.
^^Photo: Women at the kitchen next to the guardian shelter at the clinic
People begging. Consistently asking for something. Sometimes even close friends. Those are frustrating days. But thankfully not the majority of them. But it is "hunger season" in Malawi now. The time far after the last harvest but before the new. A lot of rain. A lot of crops being planted. But no harvested food. When is it right to give? What about the same boy you see every time you go for groceries in the trading center? Maybe some days you think you should help but recognizing that might not really be the right "help." Always aknowledging he is there but ever wondering. And then the day he doesn't ask you for anything but just smiles the biggest smile and waves the biggest wave and is just happy that he knows you.
Rural Malawi is sometimes a challenging place to live; it's not always easy. But nothing has ever been more worth it. I feel useless most days but that's ok. I'm learning I don't have to always do. Sometimes just be. Be in the village. Attempt to live the way my neighbors live. Empathize with the hardships they endure. Feel the boredom sometimes they feel. Try for an hour to work as they work. Stop being the savior, the development worker, the bank.
Can this "just be" mentality be hard for someone from a different culture? Oh so very much! But it's a test of character and strength. Can you adapt? Can you be humble? Can you accept people don't always want to change and be just like you and that it's ok? Change even for the better is hard for humans everywhere. Can I change to be more like my surroundings?
I'm 2 months away from living in Malawi for one entire year. And Malawi I must admit is still a mystery to me. I will never have claimed to understand her or all her people or think I have it all figured out. "Malawi is" is a dangerous phrase.
Dew. As soon as you think you have it, it evaporates and is gone. Don't be fooled into thinking you understand. There is always so much more to learn. Cultures and people and humanity all have a common thread but it is mysterious and wild. Untamed. Don't try to tame it, domesticate it, or define it too much.
Dew. As soon as you think you have it, it evaporates and is gone. Don't be fooled into thinking you understand. There is always so much more to learn. Cultures and people and humanity all have a common thread but it is mysterious and wild. Untamed. Don't try to tame it, domesticate it, or define it too much.
Success. What is success? What is development success? Today my answer is: It is the ability to come to another place and culture and just be.
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